Ka Ba Boom !

As i give and do things for people, i am a person who expect gratitude and appreciation in return. Now i am learning not to be, as i have been disappointed one too many times. For now, i appreciate who and what i have and just be glad that i even have that handful of kindness towards me.

It's only when you expect that much that it hurts so much when it doesn't go the way you thought it would be.

I feel like today people come and people go as fast as new mobile phones. They touch our lives, live little impacts in them, and move on to touch other people's lives. This are the moments that i remember, i make a mental note, and also i look back on the pictures to remember the moments.

Some pictures tell a thousand words, some jolt memories of sadness or happiness. It's all a yesterday once more.

Ya, a lot of people will say, that's the past, stop looking back at them, it's over and gone. Heck ya, they are right, but i like looking back at em, coz those were happy moments, moments that i live a lifetime and only passes by me once, god knows how i wish at times i could lock and stop those moments and live at that instance.

Today i feel everything is a blur, what is real and what is not real anymore. No, not like a 'Matrix' thing. It's just like, what happens when you stop contact with someone, you loose touch with that person, and dont know how's that friend being doing. Do anybody bother? who cares? i've got my job to worry about, i've got my family to worry about? i've got to hang out with my friends? no time for you, no time to reply you, no time to call you back, no time to sms, heck no time to drop an email.

I guess its just how important do you see the other person is. I judge people on how they respond to you, in a way that is how i feel i know how important i am to that person, how soon they reply a sms message or even return a miss call, give or take work time to be busy. Better still, sometimes you dont even get a reply sms or even a return call. People will just leave it be and take for granted. Makes you feel like why do i always have to be the one that is waiting, why cant i be the one where he always get fast replies, where he always gets called out by friends, where he is appreciated by friends and gets warm and caring support from them.

Bite your lips and stand up strong, time to not bother what people think of me, or how they look at you, you can be kind and nice to people and they turn around and bite you in the ass. You dont see the more rude, confident and selfish people being talk back or jeered at. Instead they are the ones who get respect and response the most.
Huh! chivalry is dead, altruism long down the drain. Or is it just the mentality today.

No wonder people end up being monks or priests. To search for a truth that is more than just our everyday lives. Or some just throw themselves into voluntary work that makes them feel more alive and appreciated by people who really need it.

I would admit, yes, a little attention is nice, a little appreciation would be good, a reply from you when i call you or drop you a sms message would be sweet, and kind simple gestures gets returned with a warm thank you. But hey, this is just me talking here...